Gravity (Hollywood Connections Book 1) Page 2

  “Right,” she exhales as we make our way through the throng of kids. Although the high school was fairly large, it was considered one of the best schools in California which meant that a lot of students earned their way in. This of course meant that over four thousands kids were packed into the walkways and I was shouldering just to get through. Maddie however, didn’t have a problem as the sea parted at her every step.

  “What’s good to eat around here?” Maddie asked as I showed her to her locker. I furrowed my brows as I took in her question.

  “You aren’t allowed offsite for lunch unless you have a fifth and sixth off campus class or work study.” Knowing her schedule I knew that Maddie didn’t have any of those but her scowl was none the less frightening.

  “That’s such bullshit. It wasn’t like that in New York. Just another thing that this stupid city has to offer.” I watched as Maddie angrily tried to open locker. On the third try she finally gave up and threw her back pack against the metal wall.

  “New York? Is that where you’re from?” I tried to ask as calmly as possible as I felt eyes on us staring. I took the combination slip out of Maddie’s hand and started to turn the wheel, trying to get her to calm down.

  “Yeah. That’s where I lived. Now I’m stuck in this shithole…no offense.” I opened the locker and smiled tightly.

  “None taken.” I watched as Maddie shoved her whole backpack in her locker and then slam it. “Uh, aren’t you going to need that?”

  Maddie shrugged as she walked down the hallway. I struggled to keep up with her as we both headed to our first class. “Don’t need much. I have a pen in my pocket.”

  “What about paper?” Maddie held out her hand and pretended to scribble on it. I noticed it had faint lines of something that had already been written there but almost scrubbed off.

  “Aren’t you worried you’re going to run out of room?” I asked in confusion. How could someone be so blasé about school?

  “That’s why I have two. I’m ambidextrous so I can write with both my left and right hand.”

  “Cool,” I said and I meant it. Maddie gave me a smile and my cheeks warmed at the embarrassment.

  I stopped with Maddie outside of her first class. I saw her fidget quickly but then she straightened her back and turned to me. “So, where to for lunch?”

  “Uh, I thought you heard me before. We can’t leave for…”

  “Yeah, yeah, I heard you. Doesn’t mean we can’t sneak off,” her green eyes twinkled mischievously. I wanted to throw caution to the wind and ditch with her but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. I wasn’t a rule breaker. I was the complete opposite.

  “You’ll have to do all the sneaking, sorry. It’s my junior year and colleges will be looking at my record. I can’t get caught.” Maddie frowned momentarily but then shrugged her shoulders.

  “Your loss,” she turned but before she walked into the classroom she faced me one more time. “Hey, thanks for showing me around. You didn’t have to do that, you know.” She winked at me and then left me dumbfounded. I couldn’t peg her, not that I had much experience with getting to know people, but there was something about Maddie that was intriguing, and scary at the same time.

  I stood there until the minute bell rang and cursed myself. It would be crappy if I was late to my first class on my first day of junior year. But no matter how much I wanted to run I stayed in an even stride. I had a feeling that’s what Maddie would do.

  ***

  The one thing that was nice about being a veteran at your school was that you knew all the places that the popular kids weren’t. So there I was in the back of the L building eating lunch, in a bathroom. It’s not as horrible as it sounds, really. This bathroom is rarely ever used so it’s always clean and smells like air freshener. It wasn’t that I wanted to eat here, but I really didn’t have an option if I wanted to be left alone. I found that out the hard way. It was either eating here by myself or eating out in the open where I was cannon fodder to the Fab Five.

  The Fab Five. Even their name sounded ridiculous in my head. You would think it was some movie, where the most popular girls strutted in their slutty outfits, saying slutty things about their slutty friends in the halls. Preying on poor innocent kids who were just trying to get through this thing we call life. The Fab Five were hell on wheels. Destruction followed their path and I swear the leader was the devil with her four apocalyptic horsemen riding her tail.

  But it wasn’t always like that. In fact, the devil, or shall I call her by her given name, Jenna, used to be really sweet. Actually sweet enough to where I used to call her my best friend. We had done everything together from when we were young all the way up to eighth grade. Then Jenna decided that she wanted to hang out with some new people from her dance class. Unfortunately, I didn’t fit in. I have two left feet while Jenna seems to have the perfect set of legs to allow her to climb to head cheerleader. See? Didn’t I say it was just like the movies?

  So the Fab Five was born between the summer of eighth grade and the start of high school. By the time that our freshman year started I was nothing but unevolved pond scum to her and her new friends. In fact, I was probably thought of as lower than pond scum. The first time Jenna told me that I looked like I got into a fight with the lawnmower and that the lawnmower won, I knew that the friendship was definitely over. I didn’t allow her to see me cry but that’s exactly what I did when I got home. I couldn’t tell my mother, dad was gone so I couldn’t tell him and once word got out that I was target practice I was shunned all together.

  And that’s when I found the L building bathroom. Things got remarkably better after I started to eat lunch away from the hordes of people. Who wants to see hormonal monkeys making out and pretending to like each other anyways?

  So I sit there in my sanctuary and pull out my brown paper bag that held the contents of my lunch. Mom always put in a note saying she loved me and to have a good day and today was no different. I never told her that I’ve kept every single one of her notes and put it in a journal I keep in my locked drawer in my desk.

  I grimace a little as I pull out the peanut butter sandwich. I hated when we ran out of lunch meat and all that was left was peanut butter. I imagined the food already stuck in my braces and I contemplated not eating it. The rumble of my stomach was enough of an answer as I peeled away the plastic baggie and took my first bite.

  Immediately the soft bread and sticky middle clung to my mouth and I tried in earnest to clear away as much as possible between each bite. It was times like these that I wish I had my toothbrush.

  I sit on the toilet as I continue to fight with my sandwich reading the scribbled graffiti on the back of the stall door. Not much changes over the years and I’ve read most of these before.

  “Boys before books because books bring babies,” that was my favorite. I continue to read as my stomach drops noticing the new dark marker text written over Fab Five Forever.

  “Beatrice Montgomery is a dyke!” Suddenly my appetite is gone and my half eaten sandwich falls to the floor. I lick my thumb and try to remove the marker but it’s already permanently etched on. Peanut butter trails over the graffiti and I feel the pricks of tears starting to form. “No no no…” I pull out some toilet paper and spit in it, desperately trying to remove the words. To erase them from this moment in my life. I stop my furious rubbing as I hear the bathroom door squeak open.

  No one is supposed to be in here.

  “Did you see what she was wearing? Like, it’s not the eighties anymore. How many sheep had to die in order for her to wear those pants?” I heard snickering and immediately placed that voice. Jenna. “And don’t get me started on that hair. Did she lose a fight with a lawnmower or something?”

  I rolled my eyes. Couldn’t she come up with something more original?

  “And did you see that dyke Beatrice? Hanging out with that new senior? Who does she think she is?”

  “It’s probably her girlfriend.” Brooklyn, Jenna’s suc
cessor, says. I close my eyes and imagine this is just a bad dream. There is no way that they know I’m here. I hug my knees which are now up on the toilet, making sure that I am invisible as possible.

  “No way is that senior a carpet muncher. She’s too pretty.”

  “Maybe we should introduce ourselves to her. Let her know who she should be hanging out with.” I bit my lip wanting to scream “No!” but didn’t. That would be ultimate suicide.

  “Not a bad idea. She should know who’s who. And plus, I’m sure once she finds out that Beatrice is a dyke she’ll run for the hills.”

  I heard the Fab Five snicker in unison and my throat closed. I had to talk to Maddie first. And tell her what? That the popular girls are going to say you’re a lesbian but it’s not true?

  “Did she really try to kiss you? Like, that’s so gross.” I envisioned Daria flipping her hair and applying her mascara so thick that she looked like a raccoon. I didn’t dare try to see them in the gap between the stalls, out of fear of being found out.

  And I didn’t try to kiss her. If they only knew…

  “Yeah. It was so disgusting. Why do you think I stopped being friends with her? I mean, she used to be cool when her dad was alive.”

  “He probably died of a heart attack when he found out she was a lesbo.”

  They laughed again and my stomach roiled. I wanted to speak up, I wanted to defend my dad. I wanted to defend myself but I was nothing. I was only one and they were five and there was nothing I could do. Then as if the world stopped turning, there was silence. I knew they didn’t leave - I would have heard the door open - but the tension was building. It was thick, it was heavy, and they knew they weren’t alone.

  One heartbeat. Tick. Two heart beats. Tock. “Is that what happened Beatrice? Did your dad croak because you told him you liked to eat pussy?”

  I looked up as Jenna’s ice blue eye peered into the stall. I caught a half smirk and I looked away, hugging my knees tighter. “Hey, I’m talking to you, homo! You’re so pathetic thinking you could hide in here. Who eats lunch in a disgusting bathroom? Are you hoping to spy on girls pissing?” Jenna slapped the stall door loudly and the rest of the girls snickered. I shut my eyes as the slap echoed loudly against the white tiles of the bathroom.

  Another slap, another slur. Then more hands pounded on the stall and more. The bathroom felt like it was shaking all around me as I whispered to ‘stop’. I saw my dad’s face, smiling and then I saw him in the hospital, his soulless body hooked up to every machine imaginable. I saw myself on the toilet as these girls berated me. My out of body self screamed for me to do something, to say something to stop the madness. But I didn’t. I just sat there, pretending that this was still my sanctuary.

  I screamed inside, placing my fingers in my ears to stop the torment. It was getting louder and louder until finally I couldn’t hear their words anymore. All I could hear was the muffled banging of their hands against the stall wall. And it lasted hours, or what seemed like hours, until finally the slapping stopped.

  “What the fuck is going on in here?”

  I knew that voice.

  “Nothing, just having a little fun.” Jenna returned. And then I heard them snicker as they started shuffling out. “You know, you should really be careful with who you hang out with. You don’t want people thinking you’re a dyke, too.” At those final words from Jenna the damn broke. I felt my warm tears fall from my eyes and with the last few footsteps I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

  I took a few moments to breathe, to steady myself and to think. Had Maddie gone too? Of course she did, why wouldn’t she?

  “B?” The voice was soft but it still startled me. I saw her hand grasp the top of the stall and she only looked in quick enough to confirm it was me, thank god.

  “Yeah?” I asked through a shaky voice. For a moment there was silence and I thought she may just leave me alone.

  “Are you,” she stopped but then started again. “Are you okay?”

  No. “I’ll be fine. I just need a minute.” I sniffled as I took some toilet paper and tried to wipe away the remnants of my tears.

  “Okay, I’ll wait for you. If you don’t mind.” She still held the top of the door and I couldn’t help but feel protected. I breathed in heavily and then let out a breath as I finally stood. My knees wobbled but I found my footing and finally unlocked the door.

  Maddie felt the lock release and opened it slowly, her eyes softening as they met mine. Great, just what I needed. Sympathy.

  She didn’t say anything as I walked out throwing away my half eaten sandwich in the trash and moving to the sink to wash my face.

  “Are you really going to be okay?” I looked up through red eyes through the mirror. Behind Maddie, the stall door stood proudly open, displaying black offending ink. Maddie followed my gaze and turned around, reading the lettering. My stomach tightened but I watched her still. Without glancing at me she pulled out a large black sharpie from her pocket and scribbled something down under the graffiti.

  As I read the backwards words I couldn’t help but laugh and Maddie smiled as she capped the pen. “See? If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” Our eyes met and I couldn’t stop the smile even if I wanted to.

  Forever inscribed on that bathroom stall would read “Beatrice Montgomery is a dyke and proud of it!”

  ***

  “I could totally climb across this tree and get to my room.” I take a break from cleaning my glasses on my shirt and place them back on my face, now fully able to see Maddie without the blur.

  She had been kind enough to drop me home after school and the incident. It was nice not having to wait for mom to get off of work. Usually, I would still be nose deep in a textbook but after the day I had, being home was all that was on my mind.

  I walked over to where she stood at the window and glanced at the large oak tree and then down toward the ground. “You’re not afraid of heights?” Maddie shrugged and removed herself from the window, plopping her back down unceremoniously on my bed. I took a seat on the window sill with my arms crossed, trying to find a conversation that didn’t involve anything that happened today.

  “So…” Maddie said while keeping her eyes on the ceiling.

  “So…” I responded. It’s not that I felt uncomfortable with Maddie. In fact, her personality and easy going nature made me think that she might just be the easiest person to get along with. But I wasn’t sure if I was ready to spill everything about Jenna, and myself.

  “Are you feeling better?”

  I nodded my head and looked down at my feet. The carpet worn out and frayed. I wish mom had enough money to put wood floors in here.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Maddie finally turned her eyes at me right when I looked up from the floor. I shrugged one shoulder.

  “There isn’t much to talk about. It’s been like this since freshman year. I’ve gotten used to it.” I watched Maddie’s hands as the reflexively turned into a fist and then released.

  “I don’t think anyone can get used to something like that.” A pause. “Would they physically hurt you if they got a chance?” She was sitting up now. Her hands wringing one another and staring at me with that damned sincere expression that she had somehow perfected. I exhale loudly and move away from my stance, taking the desk chair and facing Maddie while sitting.

  “I don’t think so. I mean, they’ve never tried to before. But I have to say that this time was different. Usually they just say mean comments but the slurs and other stuff is new.”

  Maddie nodded her head, listening to my words. “What they wrote…and said,” she took a breath, trying to figure out the best way to put her words into form. “Is it true? Are you a lesbian?”

  I sat still for a moment chewing on my bottom lip. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to answer truthfully. I imagined saying the words and then watching Maddie grimace and shoot out of my window, climbing the oak branches as fast as she could over to her own house. I was sure she would want to escape
as quickly as possible. But her locked gaze on mine didn’t hold any ill intent. It didn’t hold any judgement and I honestly didn’t think of her as someone who would mind having a gay friend. But still, I couldn’t say the words so instead I nodded my truth.

  “Does your mom know?”

  I shook my head.

  “Does your dad?”

  I smiled sadly and shook my head again. “My dad passed away five years ago. It wasn’t even a thought in my mind then.” We sat as the weight of my words filled the space between us. Finally, Maddie’s voice broke through the silence.

  “My dad died too…” she swallowed hard, “and my mom. They were in a car accident right after school ended this last summer. That’s why I have to live here with my grandma.” She offered me her own sad smile but couldn’t hold my gaze. We both knew that nothing more needed to be said. We had lost people who we loved and although Maddie lost more, the feeling of hurt was the same.

  “Do you miss it? New York, I mean?”

  Maddie sighed heavily. “I do. But I think I only miss it because I remember it with my mom and dad being there. After the accident happened nothing felt the same. You know?” I nodded and she continued. “I miss my friends, especially Josh.”

  I raised my eyebrows. “Boyfriend?” The loud guffaw told me I was wrong.

  “Heck no. More like a brother. We grew up together, this is the longest we’ve ever been apart. He’s gay too.” I didn’t know if she was grouping herself into the label as well and I didn’t feel the need to pry. Just knowing she didn’t have a problem with my questioning sexuality was more than enough for me. “Do you mind me asking how your father died?”

  I cleared my throat, not liking the question. But knowing that she had been through similar pain eased my tension. “He had a heart attack. He was only 46. We thought,” I took a breath trying to steady my nerves, “he was a healthy man. We would all go on walks around the neighborhood. We didn’t eat bad…hell, he was a doctor for crying out loud.” My nerves turned into frustration. Frustration that he was taken from me even though he followed every rule in the book. “He woke up one morning grabbing his chest. I remember hearing my mother scream for me to call an ambulance. I don’t even remember doing it. All I remember is the car ride, following the flashing lights and not knowing what was happening to my father.” I felt Maddie grab my hand and squeeze. The warmth was a distinct contrast to the coolness I felt in my veins.