Gravity (Hollywood Connections Book 1) Page 4

  “What do you think?” I only turned my head when I felt her readjust to lay on her back again. One arm was cradling her neck as she stared up, contemplating. “I think I don’t want to know.” I waited. “Even if they aren’t there we still see them as if they were. It’s nice knowing that you can still see them even if they are gone. ”

  I stayed silent, agreeing with her. I wished that would happen all the time, instead of just with the stars.

  “Maybe…” Maddie started and then stayed quiet. I turned on my side, giving her my full attention. Her eyes drew into me and I waited for her to continue. “Maybe they’re up there right now, looking down at us, or maybe it’s up to them, I don’t know…” I took her hand as she rambled. It was an action that we both became comfortable with these last months of being friends. “Maybe they’re looking at us and we’re stars to them. Wherever they are.” She breathed out heavily. “Does that sound stupid?”

  I squeezed her warm hand. “No. I think it sounds nice. Just thinking that my dad may be looking at me right now makes me feel warm inside.”

  “Yeah, and maybe they are looking at us, at the stars, and wondering if we’re still really here.” Her face turned grim. “The only difference is we really are.”

  I kept my hand held tight with hers as her thumb traced uneven patterns over my skin. “They are still there too,” I said definitively. I motioned toward the stars above and Maddie quieted. Her thoughts now only her own and not meant for anyone else’s ears.

  “Well, now that we’ve had our philosophical journey for the night I have to ask, are you excited about tomorrow?”

  My face cracked into a wide smile. “Of course I am. I can’t wait to get these things off,” I pointed to the metal in my mouth.

  “What’s the first thing you’re going to do?” Maddie asked.

  I thought for a moment and decided, “Buy a pack of gum and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Maybe even two!”

  We laughed together at the hilarity of my choices. “Are you still going out with what’s her name?”

  I nodded my head as the sudden wave of anxiousness settled over me. Tomorrow was my first real date with a real girl that actually really liked me. Her name was Regan and she, like Maddie, was a transplant to our school. She was out and proud and seeing as the Fab Five had settled down with the bullying ever since Maddie ‘claimed’ me, I didn’t feel the need to hide anymore. Of course my mom still didn’t know. That was something I still had to work up the courage for. She thought that I was going to the movies with Maddie but instead I was hanging out with Regan.

  “Are you sure you like her?” Maddie asked me again. She had been asking me since I told her last week about my pending date.

  “Yeah. She’s nice. Why, don’t you like her?” I was surprised with the pit that landed in my stomach. Maddie’s opinion meant more to me than even my own and I wanted her approval more than anything.

  I watched her shrug her shoulder, her voice seemingly miles away. “Yeah, I guess. But I just didn’t think you went for that type.”

  “Type?” I asked.

  “Yeah. You know. Short hair, sort of boyish.” She paused. “She’s a total butch. I just thought you’d be into more of the girly types.”

  Like you? My brain screamed for me to say it but I kept that to myself. I didn’t even know if Maddie was interested in anyone. Even if it would be a boy or a girl. She never seemed to talk about her personal preferences but I figured if she was gay she would have already told me. I considered Regan for a moment. Yes, she had short hair and her style could be worn by a boy, but her face was feminine and pretty. Not beautiful like Maddie, but still pretty. “I don’t know what my type is. Maybe it’s Regan, maybe it’s not. I guess I’ll find out.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” She still sounded hesitant but right before I could ask her what was wrong she asked, “Do you want to come over so we can find you something to wear?”

  I looked down at my clothes. I wasn’t expecting to get all dolled up for the date. I was just going to wear my usual jeans and top. “Why? Do I need to?”

  Maddie chuckled and nudged my shoulder. “Don’t you want to impress her on your first date?”

  “I don’t know, do I?” I wasn’t used to these types of things. Wasn’t she already impressed if she asked me out?

  “I’m going to let you in on a little secret, B.” Maddie looked at me. “Girls generally like to dress nice when going out on dates.”

  “Hey! I dress nice!” I pushed her playfully as she chuckled.

  “I’m not berating your style. I’m just saying that she’s a total butch and will probably be dressed to impress. Just putting it out there so you two love birds can match.”

  “And what do I have to wear?” I asked hesitantly.

  “That’s what we will find out tomorrow.” She smiled at me and my nerves started to go on overdrive. Although Maddie’s wardrobe wasn’t overly girly it was still more feminine than what I usually wear. And to top it off she was a good three inches taller than me. Thank goodness she let me start running with her after school. I had finally lost the weight I had gained and actually looked like a fit, normal, teenager. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you feel comfortable while still looking hot.” Her eyes twinkled and for a moment the date slipped from my mind. It was getting worse, this crush. I knew it. She didn’t. And that’s how it was going to stay.

  ***

  “I can’t believe you actually own a dress,” I shouted from inside her closet. Maddie had pulled some articles of clothing out for me to wear and was currently in her room, on her bed, leafing through some teen magazine.

  “It was for the lead in a musical I was in my freshman year.” Her muffled reply came through the closed door. I stopped suddenly as the dress fell into place on my hips. Not even looking at myself in the mirror yet, I thought about her response.

  “You sing?” How had I not known that?

  “Yeah. I also dance and play the piano too.”

  “Of course you do. You don’t do anything half assed,” I muttered to myself.

  “I heard that!” She shouted. My face warmed as I shook my head with a light laugh.

  “Of course you did,” I muttered again.

  “Heard that too!” Still laughing lightly I finally took my reflection in. The black spring dress fit me in all the right places. It was sleeveless and fell just to above my knees. I wondered what kind of musical Maddie had been in which required a dress to be so short. Well obviously it wasn’t short on me, but on Maddie…

  My mind drifts to an image of Maddie wearing the dress. Probably coming to her mid-thigh, I swallow roughly as her image strides up to me. Her gaze locked on mine, walking with the sway of her hips and telling me to ‘come here’ with a crook of her finger. I shake myself out of it as I hear her ruffle the magazine papers. What would happen if I came out of the closet (no pun intended) and did the same thing to her. Would she laugh? Would she run? Would she say anything at all?

  “Are you almost done in there? Do you need help?”

  “No! I mean-“I place my hand over my stomach as I smooth out the soft fabric, removing the nonexistent wrinkles. “I’m almost done. I’ll be out in a second.” I stare at my reflection again and smile brightly. I wasn’t used to seeing white instead of the dull gray of the metal. I thought it was strange but Maddie said that it made me look even more beautiful. I had to say that being friends with her definitely kicked my confidence up a notch.

  I remove my glasses and grab a small case from the pocket of my jeans that had been previously discarded on the floor. This was something that I hadn’t told Maddie about. Two weeks ago I had gone for my yearly optometrist visit and she had told me that a company started making contacts with my prescription. Mom said that I could try them and a few days ago they finally came in. It felt weird at first, placing the soft lenses into my eyes, but once they adjusted I was astonished. Not only did I not have to wear my glasses, but the lenses actually made my e
yesight better.

  I knew that I should have washed my hands before placing them in but I didn’t care. I wanted Maddie to get the full effect. She had already helped me with my hair and as I blinked a few times for the contacts to adjust the blur settled into sharp focus. I stood there, staring in the mirror, not really knowing if that was really me.

  I looked normal. I looked like someone who wasn’t fumbling through life, wondering if she was beautiful, wondering if she didn’t have friends because she was gay or weird. I was just a sixteen year old girl going out on her first date.

  I breathed out one last time and took the handle of door, opening it. My eyes settled on Maddie who glanced up from the magazine and then back down. For a moment I thought that maybe the dress didn’t complement me as well as I thought. Or maybe the contacts were playing tricks on my eyes. But then her eyes slowly moved from the page and the magazine fell from her hand’s grasp.

  She didn’t say anything but I don’t think she needed to. Her look was confirmation enough that I looked good.

  “Is it okay?”

  I turned for her awkwardly and as I stood in my original position my skin tingled with every inch her eyes roamed. Her mouth was slightly open and I waved my hands to knock her out of her stare.

  “Maddie?”

  She finally made eye contact with me and then blinked a few times. She shook her head a little and mumbled.

  “Uh, yeah. Wow, it looks good. Regan will be totally smitten.”

  I smiled and she mimicked me, although I felt as though it wasn’t the usual bright smile she reserved for me.

  “Are you forgoing the glasses tonight?”

  I nodded my head. “Yes, but only because I finally got contacts.” I walked over to her, the small heels she told me to wear with the dress feeling not as awkward as I thought they would.

  “Wow, so no more glasses?” She almost sounded sad but I just ‘yeah.’

  “So what time is she picking you up?” Maddie got off the bed and stood, looking down at me. Her arms were braced around her middle and her face stern. She almost looked like a concerned mother.

  “I’m meeting her at Shilo’s at six.”

  Maddie rolled her eyes. “She’s not picking you up? What is with this girl? Doesn’t she know how to date?”

  I raised my hand as if I was in school. “Uh, I don’t know how to date. She wanted to pick me up but I thought it would be inconvenient since she lives closer to the restaurant and has to go out of her way just to get me. So I told her I’d meet her there.”

  “And how are you getting there? You are so not taking the bus dressed like this.” She motioned toward my outfit and I smiled a gracious smile.

  Maddie knew me too well. She knew what that smile meant. “You’re killing me, B. You want me to drop you off?”

  “Please? You’re my best friend. And I really don’t want to take the bus either,” I grimaced at the thought of my legs touching the worn out fabric of the bus seats. So gross. In my thoughts I hadn’t even realized that I had called Maddie my best friend. Was that a bad thing? I mean, we never said it before but I thought that maybe it was common knowledge. She already has a best friend in New York. That shook me out of my good mood. Maybe it was wrong of me to say.

  Maddie stood silent as she stared down at her shoes. She kicked away a dust bunny that had fluttered in from the cool breeze from the open window. “Fine, when you put it like that…” she glanced at her watch and then finally looked at me. “We better get going. You don’t want to be late for your date.” I could tell that the easy going mood we usually share was nonexistent. She was distant, not telling me something but I didn’t want to pry. Maybe she was pissed because she had to drop me off. I decided to ask her tomorrow, not wanting an argument to ruin the night.

  ***

  Maddie stopped outside of the restaurant and put the car in park. Keeping the engine running she asked, yet again, “You sure you want to do this?” I rolled my eyes at her and she shut up quickly. “Just be careful okay? I know girls like Regan. I don’t want you doing anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

  She knew girls like Regan? She hadn’t told me she hung out with lesbians back home. Does that mean…Don’t go there. You’re going out with Regan. Now is not the time to wonder if Maddie is gay.

  I placed an arm on a concerned Maddie’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Maddie, I promise I won’t do anything I’m uncomfortable with.”

  She nodded her head once but didn’t look convinced. “Okay.” She said in finality. I thanked her and opened the door, my nerves starting to take hold. A part of me felt like this was happening to someone else. Like I was in a movie, watching some character going through the turmoil of a first date.

  “Hey, B?” Maddie stuck her head out of the window and I turned towards her. “You look breathtaking.” I held her eyes. The ones that made me start thinking that there was something more there. Something more than friendship. They were the windows to her soul and a part of me thought that maybe she was reaching out, trying to tell me but not letting herself fully. I almost went to her then as our stare held on for longer than what a normal friendship called for. I thought I saw her hands go to turn off the engine but before she could make a final move her face clouded.

  “Hey, B. Wow, you look amazing,” the voice that sounded behind me was deep and distinctively not Maddie’s. My back immediately tensed as I watched Maddie peel out of the parking lot before I turned to Regan.

  She was dressed in a nice, white button up shirt and jeans with black Vans finishing her look. Her hair was done in a messy yet ‘I meant for it to be like this’ style. My heart fluttered a bit as she took my hand and pulled me in for a hug. She was strong, almost too strong, and I squeaked at the tight possessiveness. Although I had to admit it felt nice being the object of someone else’s affection, I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to green eyes and what exactly her look meant.

  In the days after I would have loved to say that I asked Maddie about that night, why she looked like she wanted to take me in her arms and never let go but I couldn’t get passed the girl inside that was always telling herself she wasn’t deserving. So instead, Maddie and I fell back into our playful friendship, never once talking about that night again.

  Chapter 5

  September 2015

  “Mom? Are you home?” I closed the door to my house and shuffled into the kitchen, filling the tea kettle and placing it on the stove. Without waiting for my mother’s response, I placed two cups next to the kettle and waited, staring at my reflection in the metal object. My face distorted around the wide mirrored belly and my eyes had merged into one. It was strange to know that I was staring at me, but none of my features were the same. A ghost of someone that didn’t really exist.

  “Hey, sweetie, you’re back early.” I turned toward my mother and smiled softly. She was already ready for bed in her pink robe and fuzzy slippers. She had pulled her hair in a loose knot low on her neck and her eyes seemed tired.

  “Tea?” I asked as the kettle started to scream. I turned off the heat and poured two generous cups, allowing the bags to bob like a buoys.

  “Thank you,” my mother watched me from over her cup, her eyes following my movements as I stepped out of the kitchen quickly and returned with my laptop. I placed the machine down next to my own cup of tea and powered it up. My mother’s brows raised in wonderment.

  “What?” I asked as I felt her gaze on me. I opened an application on my computer and stared at the blank page. The words were right there and my fingers moved to type but my mother’s glare made me hesitant.

  “What are you writing?” She asked.

  I looked over the opened lid of the laptop and took a scolding sip of tea. I winced as the hot water burned my throat. “I’ve decided to write another.”

  My mother’s concern was evident. “Another? Wasn’t the last one the final in the series?”

  I sighed as I took a more relaxed posture. It was supposed to be
the last. I hadn’t envisioned anything after the final story but after speaking with Vanessa, I realized so many things were left unsaid.

  “It was. But…” I chewed on my bottom lip as I watched the curser blink in and out of my vision. The blank screen unfolded a series of scenes in my mind’s eye. Characters dancing across the pages as if they were real.

  “Oh,” my mother said through the silence. She nodded her head as if she came to some conclusion that I was unaware of. I just sat there looking at her, waiting for her to explain her sudden understanding. “You saw the movie.”

  If she had expected me to do anything else but just sit there and stare at her, she would have been mistaken. She knew I didn’t want to talk about it. Even after the days when Maddie had left I didn’t talk about it. She knew that there would be no going back to the topic of the particular blonde.

  “I did.” I tried to sound uninterested. It was normal for a writer to want to see the movie that her book was derived from. It didn’t matter that her once best friend who she had no interest in talking about or seeing was playing the lead actor.

  “Mhmm. And now all of a sudden you want there to be another?”

  I scoffed. “I just realized after talking to Vanessa that there are a lot of loose ends.”

  “Your reviews for the final book were outstanding, B. Randle Gooding was named one of the top writers for the last three years because of it. You aren’t doing this because…” She stopped, her way of getting me to talk without herself saying the words. She knew how to work my unease.

  “Of course not!” I said quickly. I wasn’t doing this for Maddie. I wasn’t doing this for anyone but myself. I bit my tongue as I counted to ten, trying to steady my nerves. “It’s just…when I wrote the first book it was something in my head that I needed to get out. If I would have known that you would find it and would have it sent it out to your editor friend I wouldn’t have even wrote it.” I ran my fingers through my dark locks, taking quick glances at my mother. “But I am grateful for it, please don’t ever think that I am not. I didn’t realize that it would gain so much attention after it was published. I mean, it’s just about a girl who falls in love at a time that isn’t ideal.”